Of all the Super Mario Bros. games, this one is the third.* Koopalings and tanookis abound! Now with drinking game!
Part 1, the level everyone knows. For some reason it’s in Japanese!
Part 2. The Italian duo enters Desert Land, where they encounter voluptuous Boos and slightly stoned Sphinx stories. Also the Doodler drinks our entire bottle of sparkling cider.
Part 3. After defeating the Koopaling with his own early 80’s conservative talk show, we enter World 3 (the water one). Will the Player ever get a Toad House? Or will we get arrested for Super Mario Fraud?
Part 4. Weirdo the Frog (aka the Doodler’s hand puppet) sucks the brain cells out of his head, leaving Luigi high and dry. Also, Wendy O. Koopa kills us, like, five or six times.
Part 5. Our heroes tackle Giant Land, with its takooni, er, tanooki suits and its Hot Foot action! Also, the drinking game has, like, four #12’s.
Part 6. We do the ground portion of Sky Land, including the Goomba’s Shoe level and that castle that nobody ever does.
Part 7. Some fun tips and tricks in the sky lead to the defeat of Roy Orbison.
Part 8, AKA The One That Contains More Than Half Of Mario’s Deaths For The Entire Project So Far.
Part 9. The king at the end of World 6 asks to borrow our clothes. But he does it in Japanese, so no dice!
Part 10. It’s hammer time in the pipe maze of World 7! Hort!
Part 11. Terrible controller issues lead to raging Hammer Suit problems! Bowser also finally kidnaps the princess, or so we assume (we still can’t read Japanese).
Part 12. The game ends with an obscene song about raccoons and a drink count over 200. I weep for the kidneys of anyone who played along.