King’s Quest VII: The Princeless Bride Page 2


King’s Quest VII: the game that results from the question, “What if Sierra got a glimpse into the future, saw all of our King’s Quest doodles, and decided to make a game from it? Also, terrible animation and voice acting?” Once again featuring The Sister.

See the doodles!

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Part 11: We return months later to find out how a Queen performs community service. Also we steal the pants off a bear.

Part 12: The game laps itself (again) as Valanice visits *sigh* Ooga-Booga Land. Also, we get run over by a horse and visit Etheria, which resembles the fever dream of Homer (the writer) and Lisa Frank.

Part 13: Everyone in the kingdom is waiting to die, so we decide to go to sleep. ACTION-PACKED! Then we’re attacked by a doodle! The fourth wall will not save us!

Part 14: The voice actors get so bored with this game that it sounds like one falls asleep in the middle of his lines. Then Valanice finds math, rips off King’s Quest II (maybe?), and stares at a well-endowed wind spirit for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Part 15: The “exciting” conclusion! Trolls are turned into princes! Lava is stopped by spiderwebs! “Frozen” is ripped off 20 years before it came out! And endgame cutscenes are repeated because Sierra!

Doodle video:

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