The noble King Graham becomes a grade-A douchebag to his son and nearly gets everyone killed! What a hero!
Part 1: Comforting babies…truly a QUEST OF KINGS!
Part 2: Child kidnapping, popcorn-flavored jelly beans, murder, and staring contests! All here in the Kelvin timeline of King’s Quest!
Part 3: After an interminable car trip, our intrepid family arrives at a tropical vacation spot, which has mysteriously frozen over. But WHO CARES? PUZZLES!!!!!!!1!!11!1!!!11!!
Part 4: King Graham squashes all of his son’s interests and uses him for manual labor, thereby winning the Trophy for *Totally* Understanding Teenage Millennials.
Part 5: Alexander finally gets as fed up with Graham as we are and snaps! Figuratively and literally!
Part 6: We reach the end of the Fortress of Solitude, only to find an old “friend.” You mean this sinister frozen wasteland of evil was actually a trap?!?!?!?!?
Part 7: In this climax, Graham’s family is in mortal danger! BUT WHO THREW OUT HIS FAVORITE MUG?!?!?!?!? Can you tell this game makes me angry?
Part 8: The game is basically over, so have about ten more puzzles for no reason! The answer is LOVE! It’s ALWAYS the answer!
Graham finds true love by getting trapped in a tower with two sexy ladies! This fall on NBC!
Part 1: Graham breaks the laws of time and space in order to save Cedric the owl. The world doesn’t make sense anymore…
Part 2: In this Director’s Cut of King’s Quest II, Graham searches for his Girl in the Tower and immediately strikes out.
Part 3: Graham helps clean the house of two somewhat disinterested girls and then plays some card game with them while trying to avoid their ugly roommate. Geez, it’s like being in college again…
Part 4: The blacksmith tells Graham to lower his standards if he hopes to find true love. Meanwhile, we learn several green people’s backstories, and a pretty princess ball happens, which is clearly the night we want to live over and over again.
Part 5: A couple of old people uncomfortably judge the worthiness of the girl that Graham is on a date with, even though said girl doesn’t really like him. I’m beginning to think this game truly is based on my life. Well, aside from the magic towers and evil goblin masterminds.
Part 6: After spending several minutes trying to impress the wrong girl with a puzzle box, Graham finally goes out with the girl who likes him, who immediately falls off a cliff. Twice.
Part 7: Graham finally finds love and also tries to give Hagatha some self-esteem, but he can’t — WHISPER MUST INTERRUPT TO SAY HOW GREAT IT IS THAT WHISPER IS THE BEST PART OF THIS ADVENTURE!
Part 8: In the finale, Frozen meets Tangled! Also Graham spends time with his true love: pancakes!